The MomSpeak

 

I’ve never gone for the whole “self-sacrificing mother” schtick — I don’t believe that motherhood should subsume one’s identity as an individual. I also believe — in theory, at least — that to be a good caregiver, I must take care of myself. But, though I talk a good game, I neglect myself as much as the next parental martyr. 

It sneaks up on me — I don’t consciously set out to put myself aside. But then someone needs an early pickup from school so I skip the walk I’ve been trying to take for the entire week. Or someone goes to bed late and I find myself doing laundry at midnight (instead of sleeping). I get busy with mundane details and forget to call my friends. Weeks go by before I realize that I haven’t done a single thing to renew myself. (Usually, the realization comes when one of my kids gingerly points out I’m, um, in a grumpy mood.)

So what gives? Why is it, when my work, my family, my husband and I so obviously suffer when I neglect myself, do I continue to do it?

It’s a simple fact that, beyond the basics, a family’s needs expand to fill the space available. Once the love-food-shelter-education bases are covered, there’s always more that can be done. Grocery shopping’s done for the week, but, man — the pantry’s a mess. Kids are doing fine in school, but perhaps I could learn something from this book about childhood brain development. You get the point — no detail is too small or unimportant to compete for your attention. And too often it’s easier to give in than to reserve some time (or money, if you’re a hobbyist) for yourself.

So if you’re like me, you’ve got “get organized” as one of your New Year’s Resolutions list. Or maybe it should be “Yeah right, like that’s ever going to happen” list. Even though I have trouble keeping up the changes I vow to make every year, I still feel obligated to write them out. Even if I’m only able to keep up the exercise plan for a few months, and spend less time on the computer for a few days, I do think the idea of thinking about doing things differently and better every year is inspiring.

When it comes to getting organized, I’ve decided I need one central place for to-do lists, appointments, and every thing else I seem to write down on the backs of envelopes. And in most cases, a regular old day planner would suffice. But now that my daughter is school aged and my toddler has a few activities each week, I’m not only keeping track of my own schedule, but that of a few other people too. And that little square space in those regular old day planners just doesn’t cut it anymore.

If you’re in the same situation, that you’ll want to check out these fabulous organizers that are all mom-friendly. Alright, so maybe they don’t come with a personal assistant and built in babysitter, but they will help you keep track of everyone in the household so that you can focus your energy on other things. Like making sure you’ve got matching socks on.

So a few weeks ago I read the lovely Asha’s entry about free alternatives to traditional gift wrap. And I loved it. So much that I even bookmarked it, for future wrapping reference.

I was especially charmed with the idea of recycling my preschooler’s art projects, although I was annoyed to find that a good 80% of MY preschooler’s art projects involved non-wrapping friendly materials. (Seriously, preschool, enough with the popsicle sticks.) But I managed to find enough to wrap the grandparents’ gifts at least, and if there’s anyone else who will be especially charmed by a few crayon marks and glitter glue on a piece of construction paper, it’s the grandparents.

(Speaking of toddler masterpieces, next week’s edition of How Not To Do Things will cover my recent attempt at creating a clever little crafty “art museum” display in our kitchen.)

(SPOILER ALERT: Disastrous. I am Martha Stewart’s worst nightmare.)

But this morning, with 15 minute to spare before a preschool classmate’s birthday party, I realized I needed to wrap a present. And…well, if you could use another reason to eschew wrapping paper in favor of Asha’s ideas (and the many additional tips from the comment section), LOOK NO FURTHER THAN MEEE.