The MomSpeak

Ho, Ho, Ho. It’s late September and time to start decking the halls. Yes, school just started back and you’re swamped with all sorts of fall season stuff, and the economic news keeps getting worse,  but trust us, now’s the best time to start thinking about the December holidays. Really. For one thing, keeping ahead, really ahead of the rush will let you make considered decisions about what to buy the people on your list and allow you to spread out the cost of the season.

Ow It’s Sunday afternoon. Since Friday I have made the equivalent of five meals a day, met several thousand demands, done six loads of laundry, scolded my two kids at least five times (only five?), watched bemused as my almost six year old daughter disappeared frequently to change her outfit into something she liked better tossing the rejects to sprawl helter skelter across her bedroom floor, taken out and put away countless piles of coloring and drawing equipment, shlepped back and forth to the grocery store, the playground, and noisy pizzeria (thank heaven for the pizzeria), and failed to shampoo my own hair. Of course I’ve left out the delicious stuff: helping a small person reach the next hardest rung on the climbing structure, laughing a whole lot, watching my son read to his little sister before bedtime, and snuggling at six thirty in the morning when they climb into our bed to start the day. Still, I’m exhausted, frazzled, and in danger of losing my sense of humor. Since I’m not planning a solo getaway to an island beach any time soon, there’s only one thing to do. Unload on my best friend.

A generation ago, Ringo and his pals reminded us “we get by with a a little help from our friends?” Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. At this point in our lives, no one has to tell us that our friends are vital – a lifeline, a source of comfort, compassion and humor. But it’s hard to find time to connect with our friends and when we do, we often feel guilty for putting off our family responsibilities. Feel guilty no more. Abundant research shows that friends are good not just for our sanity bur for our health and our families.

Gurus in various guises urge us to feed our spirits, firm up our muscles, nourish our bodies. “Relax,” we’re told. “Light an aromatherapy candle, take a bubble bath,” take time “for ourselves.” Yeah, right. But have you noticed how seldom we’re advised to nurture our minds? I guess it’s assumed that if we’re home with our kids, our minds are totally occupied with family-centered stuff; and that if we have jobs outside, the combination takes up every bit of brain space we possess. We know better. If it’s true that the more we have to do the more we get done, it’s also true that the more we use our minds, the more flexible and penetrating they become.

SO

Think of something you’ve been curious to know more about. In those rare spare moments, research the topic. It could be Renaissance painting; the life of Coco Chanel; how to grow orchids - whatever. There’s no time limit and you can do this in as little as ten minute spurts. If you’ve picked the right subject, the more you learn, the more you’ll want to find out.

You don’t have to conduct an elaborate research project to know that busy moms rate mealtime as among the most stressful times of the day. As we all know, it’s no small feat to tackle all your daily to-dos AND get something heathy, economical, and enticing to the table seven days a week.

Let’s imagine a familiar scenario. You are scheduled to work in your kindergartener’s classroom in the morning, then pick up your baby at the sitter and take her for her six month’s checkup before school lets out.. When it does, you’ve promised to take your two and your neighbor’s toddler to the playground. After that, it’s absolutely crucial that you take the car in for the oil change it’s been needing for at least a month. In the midst of all this, your partner, who usually does grocery duty, gets called out of town on business before making it to the market, As you’re all too aware, the fridge is empty, but you’ve taken the kids out for pizza one too many times this week.

What’s a busy mom to do?

Along with ever rising gas prices, the price of milk is headed for the stratosphere, salaries seem to be shrinking, credit card balances rising - let’s not talk about keeping our kids in clothes. Still, even as we struggle and squeak the budget til it screams, it’s hard to ignore others who have far less than we do and suffer from far bigger troubles. We want to give back, especially to teach our children the value of thinking about others, but most of us have as little time as we do extra money. What to do?

The internet has made giving easy and inexpensive, with sites such as www.KIVA.org , which lets you make small business loans to people all over the world who want to start a business but need help. You can donate as little as $25.00 to someone you choose from an array of profiles. Best of all, the loan is repaid once the business gets underway. Heifer International (www.heifer.org) is another terrific site also dedicated to helping people help themselves out of poverty.  For as little as $10.00 you and your kids can buy a share of a dairy goat (or pig or sheep), something that will supply a family with several quarts of milk a day or enable them to add protein to their diets and even begin a small dairy or weaving business. Closer to home, www.kitzforkids.org lists organizations all over the country that for $12.00 will get packages of school supplies to kids who can’t afford them. This one’s especially nice right now.  These worthy organizations make giving really easy. But they’ve established a real presence already.  What about the small local programs working hard every day to make a difference without getting much publicity or attention?

Everywhere we look, everything we read (assuming we have time to read), proclaims that women have trouble taking time for themselves. This is very old news. If you’re a mother, especially one with even one child in diapers, it’s pretty certain you have trouble even finding time for yourself, let alone taking it to indulge. We get it. But we also know that if we don’t treat ourselves once in a while, we’re more likely to respond to life’s unremitting demands by getting grumpy, impatient, and even more susceptible to stress. May we offer an unlikely and inexpensive path to joy: chocolate.

If you’re like most women, you think of chocolate as a guilty pleasure, emphasis on the guilt. You may lust for it, but try to resist for all the familiar, old school reasons - it’s fattening, bad for your heart, skin and teeth. Resist no more. Chocolate has joined red wine on the list of decadent things that are now actually good for you. Scientists have found that chocolate is good for the heart, the brain, even the libido. Certain natural substances in chocolate (called flavonoids) help lower blood pressure and slow the rate at which the body processes bad cholesterol. As if that weren’t good enough, some lab studies suggest that cocoa flavonoids not only act as antioxidants, preventing damage free radicals can cause in healthy cells, but may even reduce the growth of cancer cells.