The MomSpeak

I have these fantasies every year about making my daughters’ Halloween costumes myself. But between work and home obligations (and watching Project Runway) it never quite happens. Next thing you know it’s October 30, and I’m picking through the pathetic remnants at the local costume store, trying to decide if it’s worse to make my three year-old a sexy cheerleader to just stick her in a sheet and call her a ghost.

And yes, they really do have sexy costumes for little girls. I’ll spare you a link.

Perhaps you too want to resist the quick ‘n easy appeal of store-bought pvc masks and shoddy quality vinyl capes but also find yourself pressed for time (or, um, skills). If so, it’s easier than ever to find the accessories you’re looking for online. Just a quick poke around some of Cool Mom Picks’ favorite haunts on the web, yielded the following beautiful items.

I used to think babies were expensive, with all of their baby toys, exersaucers, developmental playthings, and of course the Baby Einstein DVDs. And then my oldest grew into a preschooler, and I realized the entertainment only gets more expensive as they grow older. The newest electronic toys, that Dora DVD, and let’s not forget her begging to go to the local children’s science museum or the zoo constantly. It all adds up. 

Here are a few ways to save on entertainment so your little one can be happily occupied without draining your bank account:

We have tried to develop a love of books in our daughters. Our three-year-old loves to pick out her favorites for nighttime reading and even “reads” them back to us. Our eleven-month-old likes to chew on the corners — you can’t win ‘em all. As a family we are always looking for new books to cycle through the collection. This can get expensive if we were to buy new every time. Instead, I have compiled a list of ways to obtain free or inexpensive copies of our favorite tales to share with our readers.

My first visit to the dollar store filled me with a mixture of wonder and horror. I was overcome by the vast array of products that could be purchased for Only! One! Dollar! But I was depressed by the mass of cheap plastic that would eventually find its way into the landfill. Could there be some decent buys for someone who values quality, but wants to save a few bucks?

In fact, there are enough deals to make a stop at the dollar store worthwhile, especially if it’s nearby other shops you frequent. Here’s what I found on a recent visit:

Art and craft supplies: If you’ve ever been to one of those big box craft stores, you know how easily you can blow your budget there. You go in for a few bottles of tempera paint and some brushes and you come out with a hundred dollars’ worth stuff you swear you’ll use but probably won’t. If you’re just looking to set your preschooler up with some basic doodling equipment, you’ll do just fine at the dollar store.

Every season is birthday season, at least in our household, although now that our kids are starting preschool, the quiet little family gathering might not just cut it anymore. 

Then again, it’s not like we all have a ton of cash lying around to start spending on games, prizes and party favors, to say nothing of the custom-cake with the princess kissing a clown (don’t ask). And who wants to get stuck with all the leftover paper and plastic items that do nothing but load up the local landfill?

Ho, Ho, Ho. It’s late September and time to start decking the halls. Yes, school just started back and you’re swamped with all sorts of fall season stuff, and the economic news keeps getting worse,  but trust us, now’s the best time to start thinking about the December holidays. Really. For one thing, keeping ahead, really ahead of the rush will let you make considered decisions about what to buy the people on your list and allow you to spread out the cost of the season.

My little sister had her first baby a few months ago. I flew across the country to visit her recently, and did all the things you do with a new mom: showed her how to put whiskey on the pacifier, locked her in the garage while he “cried it out,” encouraged her to give up breastfeeding because it was so inconvenient.

And on the second day, we went to The Great Big Baby Supply Store and spent too much money buying baby clothes at the retail price.

If there’s one lesson I taught her, it was to never buy clothing or other children’s supplies at the retail price. There’s no need. Not with all those sales, end of season clearances, coupons, giveaways, and discount codes out there!

I so appreciated Liz’s recent MomSpeak post “Need advice? Just ask a mom.” (And not just because Parent Hacks appeared in her list. Although it was lovely to be included among such fantastic sites.) She reminded me of my own love-hate relationship with parenting advice books.

When my first child was born in 1999, there wasn’t yet a widespread Internet community for moms. There was BabyCenter, which was an incredible resource, but I never felt at home on its message boards. There were no blogs at the time, and I was a new enough mom that I hadn’t yet made many friends with children similar ages, and so I mainly relied on my trove of parenting books for advice.

Whenever I felt stumped as a parent (which was often), I paged through those books looking for answers. Everything seemed so seemed so clear, sitting there on the page, but when I tried to apply what I had learned to my own child, he rarely responded “by the book.” Was he broken? Or was I?

Ow It’s Sunday afternoon. Since Friday I have made the equivalent of five meals a day, met several thousand demands, done six loads of laundry, scolded my two kids at least five times (only five?), watched bemused as my almost six year old daughter disappeared frequently to change her outfit into something she liked better tossing the rejects to sprawl helter skelter across her bedroom floor, taken out and put away countless piles of coloring and drawing equipment, shlepped back and forth to the grocery store, the playground, and noisy pizzeria (thank heaven for the pizzeria), and failed to shampoo my own hair. Of course I’ve left out the delicious stuff: helping a small person reach the next hardest rung on the climbing structure, laughing a whole lot, watching my son read to his little sister before bedtime, and snuggling at six thirty in the morning when they climb into our bed to start the day. Still, I’m exhausted, frazzled, and in danger of losing my sense of humor. Since I’m not planning a solo getaway to an island beach any time soon, there’s only one thing to do. Unload on my best friend.

A generation ago, Ringo and his pals reminded us “we get by with a a little help from our friends?” Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. At this point in our lives, no one has to tell us that our friends are vital – a lifeline, a source of comfort, compassion and humor. But it’s hard to find time to connect with our friends and when we do, we often feel guilty for putting off our family responsibilities. Feel guilty no more. Abundant research shows that friends are good not just for our sanity bur for our health and our families.

Gurus in various guises urge us to feed our spirits, firm up our muscles, nourish our bodies. “Relax,” we’re told. “Light an aromatherapy candle, take a bubble bath,” take time “for ourselves.” Yeah, right. But have you noticed how seldom we’re advised to nurture our minds? I guess it’s assumed that if we’re home with our kids, our minds are totally occupied with family-centered stuff; and that if we have jobs outside, the combination takes up every bit of brain space we possess. We know better. If it’s true that the more we have to do the more we get done, it’s also true that the more we use our minds, the more flexible and penetrating they become.

SO

Think of something you’ve been curious to know more about. In those rare spare moments, research the topic. It could be Renaissance painting; the life of Coco Chanel; how to grow orchids - whatever. There’s no time limit and you can do this in as little as ten minute spurts. If you’ve picked the right subject, the more you learn, the more you’ll want to find out.