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Use the new year to reevaluate kids’ chores and responsibilities
Asha Dornfest of Parent Hacks | January 20th, 2009 - 9:48 AM
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The new year always fills me with a sense of renewal and clarity. With the buzz of the holidays behind me and the cold January days ahead, I feel like there’s extra room in my brain. I’ve been simplifying, reducing, and generally clearing out everything I can. Going through the filing cabinets and the kitchen drawers. Taking stock of my commitments. Streamlining my home routines. Starting fresh.
I’m also using the new year as an opportunity to get the kids into new routines. The chore lists and allowance charts we created a few years ago have worked well enough, but they’ve barely changed despite the kids’ growth and increased capabilities. To use en economic metaphor: they’re not keeping up with inflation.
As one should annually rebalance one’s financial portfolio, one should also annually revisit the division of family responsibility. Can your third grader now pack his own lunch? Can your kindergardener empty the dishwasher silverware drawer? The answer isn’t necessarily “yes” in each case — each kid’s capabilities are different — but it’s worth going through the chore list with fresh eyes. Perhaps your child is now ready to sort the laundry or feed the dog. Or bring in the mail or sweep the kitchen. Or empty the wastebaskets or wipe down the kitchen table.
Adding to your kids’ chore lists may not be the most popular decision around, but as a wise friend once told me: her job is to raise happy adults. Upping kids’ responsibilities sets the stage for an easier transition when they eventually move away. It also tells them you believe in their abilities — the ideal building block for self-confidence.
Can you think of a chore you’re doing that you can safely pass along to your kids?
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This is a great idea – to start anew with the New Year! Hope it’s been a fabulous one for you so far.
I have more of a question versus a comment. How best to ensure the chores get done?? I have two boys aged 4 1/2 and 6 — how do I motivate them?? Any suggestions?
I find it best to incentivize my kids by making sure they do their chores in order for them to get their weekly allowance- you’ll find that they’ll always do their chores that way! And it teaches them the value of a dollar
I agree about the allowance, or whatever motivating privilege works for your kids. We talk about it being part of a family responsibility, and we point out the chores we do. We talk about respect — that it’s important for kids to do what their parents ask them to do. And we tie in the notion of work for pay.
Not saying we have a perfect system, but it helps. Remember — you’re in charge of the doling out of all privileges in the house. Kids must earn them.
With my 4 year old we don’t have set chores but if he’s helpful he earns stickers. For every 10 stickers he “earns” a toy or treat when we go to the store. No more I want all I have to say is “you don’t have 10 stickers yet.” He understands this very well. When he does things like i.e. putting his plate and cup in the sink he gets a sticker…putting toys away…putting clothes away…HITTING THE CLOTHES BASKET!!! he earns little by little. The 2.5 yr old helps too so they both win! Getting good habits has helped alot. We will build up to expected things like setting the table or dishwasher stuff.
We have regular chores that everyone is responsible for every week and they don’t get paid for them. They do them because it’s the way they contribute to the collective welfare of the family. Things need to get done and we have to all work together to make the family run smoothly. After all, when was the last time someone paid you for doing the dishes or making dinner?
On the other hand, it is good to earn money and learn to save, spend, and give. For that they all have “extra” type chores they do for money. For instance, washing the car or sweeping the driveway. Then, they are in the habit of saving their money into 3 parts so that they learn to save in the bank, give to others, and even have a portion they get to decide how to use. I have special banks we use for this. You can see a picture of it at: http://mothersfriendsos.com/MF/Products.html
My kids love chores, go figure. Best thing they’ve done lately is dust bust the wooden stairs. Catches dust in the corners, you know? And everyone fights over Swiffer dusters. It’s true!
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