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How Not To Do Things: Gift Wrap Edition
Amy Storch of Amalah.com | December 22nd, 2008 - 11:54 AM
So a few weeks ago I read the lovely Asha’s entry about free alternatives to traditional gift wrap. And I loved it. So much that I even bookmarked it, for future wrapping reference.
I was especially charmed with the idea of recycling my preschooler’s art projects, although I was annoyed to find that a good 80% of MY preschooler’s art projects involved non-wrapping friendly materials. (Seriously, preschool, enough with the popsicle sticks.) But I managed to find enough to wrap the grandparents’ gifts at least, and if there’s anyone else who will be especially charmed by a few crayon marks and glitter glue on a piece of construction paper, it’s the grandparents.
(Speaking of toddler masterpieces, next week’s edition of How Not To Do Things will cover my recent attempt at creating a clever little crafty “art museum” display in our kitchen.)
(SPOILER ALERT: Disastrous. I am Martha Stewart’s worst nightmare.)
But this morning, with 15 minute to spare before a preschool classmate’s birthday party, I realized I needed to wrap a present. And…well, if you could use another reason to eschew wrapping paper in favor of Asha’s ideas (and the many additional tips from the comment section), LOOK NO FURTHER THAN MEEE.
Sure, I could have grabbed a few of Noah’s at-home scribbles, or perhaps a surplus baby blanket, or a sweater or t-shirt from our Goodwill pile. I could have. There was really no reason not to. But I grabbed a roll of garish yellow wrapping paper instead. I was RUNNING LATE. I was feeling LAZY. Also, SCREW YOU, PLANET.
The paper I grabbed was cheap. The cheapest of the cheap stuff. Dollar Store cheap. You know this paper. You hate this paper. You buy this paper and regret buying it the instant you unroll it. It’s like wrapping presents in pantyhose. While wearing steel wool gloves.
The presents in question were a board game and a book. Easy shapes to wrap. Flat surfaces, straight edges, squared-off corners. My wrapping skills are mediocre at best (I KNOW. YOU ARE SHOCKED.), but even I should be able to handle this, cheap paper and everything.
First I attempted to wrap both gifts together. Right after I sealed up the last fold, I flipped the gift over to attach a bow…and the book slid out of position and tore straight through the paper like tissue.
Then I attempted to wrap the game by itself, but cut the paper about a half an inch too short. I would have used it to wrap the book instead, except that by merely trying to gently tug the paper a little tighter to close the half-inch gap, the paper split open along the edges of the game.
It went on like this for awhile.
In the end, I went through pretty much the entire roll of paper to successfully get the gifts wrapped. I did, eventually, and we arrived at the party just few minutes late, bearing the UGLIEST looking gift ever, since I still ended up repairing some holes with Scotch tape and my pathetic attempt to tie the gifts together with some ribbon resulted in the wafer-thin paper puckering on the sides and just…no. Awful.
But luckily, the birthday girl will ever know how ugly my wrapping job was, because while at the party I looked over as her father collected the gifts up and put them in a large trash bag to take home…and witnessed both of our presents tearing through the paper once again and falling into the bag unwrapped. He stood there for a minute, staring at a fistful of empty yellow paper in surprise.
(Maybe I can say that I was just trying to teach them an important lesson about the inherent wastefulness of gift wrap?)
In a fit of rage on Saturday after I finished my christmas shopping (yeah!) I realized there was no wrapping paper in the house. Forget going back out in that craziness, I just used the newspaper.
Word to the wise when using newspaper: pay attention to what section you are using. I was 3 presents in, when I noticed the section being used was the obituaries.
Not the best message to be sending with a christmas gift
Starting around October I try to save the Sunday comics every week to use for Christmas presents. I don’t think my in-laws are impressed. Oh well…
What you need to do if you get stuck with the cheap stuff: take a big ol’ piece, twice the size you need, fold it in half with the pretty sides out, and then wrap with the doubled stuff. Works really well.
I don’t intend to end up with the cheap stuff, but I always do because I go for The Bargain.
I know that roll of yellow paper. I have that roll of yellow paper. I HATE THAT ROLL OF YELLOW PAPER!!! Yet for some reason cannot throw out.
For next Christmas might I suggest a trip to IKEA for the kid’s easel (around Halloween). By Christmas you’ll have enough Noah art to wrap all your presents:
http://tinyurl.com/8s6o2s
Ha! I think this is the very reason I have started using gift bags! Thanks for letting me know that I am not the only wrapping-challenged!
Wait, why was he putting the gifts in a garbage bag before she opened them? Is this normal? I’ve never been to a birthday party where the kid didn’t open the gifts. Possibly a good idea when dealing with preschoolers but isn’t it kind of rude?
Eh, better than my son’s first present opening event for his first Christmas/Birthday (the 27th) this year. I inadvertently bought wrapping paper that did NOT tear (durn that BJs anyway!. Yes, we set up the video camera and everything to capture the rapture of him tearing into the bright shiny boxes, and um, he couldn’t tear a thing. Nor could my 6 ft, 6in tall linebacker brother. The paper did not rip. We had to Un-Tape it! It actually became a toy itself and was dragged around the condo for a day or two.
Pish – seems like the Mom team is down two this week…
This is why I only “wrap” gifts in gift bags!
Edensky – I don’t know about the East Coast, but this is apparently the big trend in the Seattle area – parents who accept gifts but then just bag them up for their spoiled babes to unwrap in the privacy of their own homes. I HATE IT. I think it teaches kids the very worst about birthdays (you get lots of stuff) without teaching them ANYTHING about manners; how to be polite & say thank you for things even you might not really like them, or (as a guest) how to NOT be the center of attention & let your friend have the fun instead, etc, etc. I also just think it’s super disappointing to the child who has gone to the trouble of picking out & wrapping something that they think will be special.
Have I mentioned that I *HATE* this trend?
I hate that thin paper. A few years ago I bought a large end roll of paper at a print shop for packing up for a move. Now I wrap a gift in it, set it in front of my kids with some crayons or markers and let them decorate it wrapped. Slap on a bow…done! cheap, versatile, easy. My favorite.
Thanks for letting me laugh WITH you.
Very very funny .. and the lesson about the wastefulness of gift wrap is one I hope that LITTLE GIRL LEARNED. Ha. I’m much worse than you — I just went to a 4-year-old’s party and brought my gift UNWRAPPED. And I have no excuse other than laziness.
Re: bagging up of gifts. In a lot of cases, these parties have a very tight time schedule (it was at a kiddie gym place, which pretty much EVERY party we’ve been invited to has been at). There’s simply no time to open gifts, after the organized activities and playtime and food. You get the place for two hours, tops, usually. I agree that it’s a missed chance to get an early start on politeness (though at two and three years old, I think there’s still plenty of time for that), but honestly, as a parent of a very young guest who had nothing to do with picking the gift, who doesn’t even really grasp what birthdays are yet, and who is just trying to get through the party without a pre-nap meltdown, I’m actually glad to skip the present bit. In another year or two, I think it’s more appropriate.
(I’ve always gotten the most wonderful thank-you notes from the parents though. So if you must bag-and-dash, don’t skimp on the thank-yous afterwards.)