The MomSpeak

Ow It’s Sunday afternoon. Since Friday I have made the equivalent of five meals a day, met several thousand demands, done six loads of laundry, scolded my two kids at least five times (only five?), watched bemused as my almost six year old daughter disappeared frequently to change her outfit into something she liked better tossing the rejects to sprawl helter skelter across her bedroom floor, taken out and put away countless piles of coloring and drawing equipment, shlepped back and forth to the grocery store, the playground, and noisy pizzeria (thank heaven for the pizzeria), and failed to shampoo my own hair. Of course I’ve left out the delicious stuff: helping a small person reach the next hardest rung on the climbing structure, laughing a whole lot, watching my son read to his little sister before bedtime, and snuggling at six thirty in the morning when they climb into our bed to start the day. Still, I’m exhausted, frazzled, and in danger of losing my sense of humor. Since I’m not planning a solo getaway to an island beach any time soon, there’s only one thing to do. Unload on my best friend.

A generation ago, Ringo and his pals reminded us “we get by with a a little help from our friends?” Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. At this point in our lives, no one has to tell us that our friends are vital – a lifeline, a source of comfort, compassion and humor. But it’s hard to find time to connect with our friends and when we do, we often feel guilty for putting off our family responsibilities. Feel guilty no more. Abundant research shows that friends are good not just for our sanity bur for our health and our families.

In one recent study, women with good friends were less likely to be depressed, had fewer problems with their weight, and had lower rates of smoking, diabetes and high blood pressure than women without them. It turns out that having good close friendships benefits our kids, too, affecting their healthy development, and our marriages. Women with good friends are less likely to be emotionally needy and so put less stress on their partners. Friends provide support that keeps us emotionally centered, because above all, friendship is about reciprocity, something we’re unlikely to get from our kids, much as they love us. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote that one purpose of friendship is to equip us for solitude, something good to remember when we’re feeling especially isolated at home. While we usually think of friendship’s ability to nurture and sustain us, really good friends also afford us opportunities to engage and stretch our minds – think book groups, community problem solving, or political action as well as one on one engaged and stimulating talk about ideas.

So ditch the guilt. Schedule a dinner date, arrange a morning for coffee and conversation with an old friend or cultivate a new one. If you choose carefully, your friends can amuse you, support you, help define you and, as it turns out, keep you well.