The MomSpeak

I didn’t have the necklace more than a few days, but I had hardly taken it off. The sweet silver charms were each engraved with my daughter’s names and dangled just below my clavicle.

I stuck a thumb through the ball-bearing chain and lifted it to chin-height for my mother to admire.

“I know it’s not something I’d ordinarily buy,” I told her. “Someone sent it to me. But isn’t it sweet?”

“Well,” she said, as diplomatically as possible, “when you love your children, almost anything that reminds you of them is beautiful.”

Eep.

I can’t even believe it; I had been duped into adorning myself with a goofy, cheap-looking mommy necklace around the streets of Manhattan.

I think I might have even worn it to a business meeting.

It’s hard to retain our sense of style after having kids, even for those of us who never thought we’d succumb to the momness. Sometimes style just steps aside in favor of sentimentality, fashion gets bulldozed by practicality, newly tight budgets and time constraints stand in the way of all of it.

To say nothing of our faaaabulous new postpartum figures which don’t rock the AGs quite like they did before our hips spread to the width of your average skyscraper.

Want to keep from losing yourself to your new self? It has nothing to do with designer clothes or spending wads of cash. Mostly it’s about the little things.

*Shower. First thing in the morning. If you don’t get it out of the way, you will never get to it, and then you will dread leaving the house, giving you yet another excuse not to shower. If your baby is fussy, bring her into the bathroom in a car seat or bouncy chair or even a high chair. Draw the curtains open and entertain her if you have to. I may have flooded our bathroom floor numerous times, but at least I smelled soapy-fresh while mopping it up.

*Get yourself a fancy soap. Lemon verbena, eucalyptus-sage, sweet orange blossom – whatever turns you on. Soaptopia makes truly delicious handmade bars for just six bucks each. If you’re only going to have a few brief minutes to yourself each day, it’s an easy way to make them count.

*Do not succumb to mom hair, no matter how tempting. Just tell your stylist, “I do not want mom hair.” I don’t know entirely what that means, but hopefully your stylist will.

*Rule of thumb for jewelry: If you wouldn’t have worn it before kids, don’t wear it now. There’s plenty of truly great keepsake jewelry out there. And those teething necklaces that claim to look just like stylish necklaces? They don’t. Really. One exception: Momma’s Jewels, whose sterling teething pendants are fantastic.

*Get back into the “good underwear” as soon as humanly possible. Toss it if it’s baggy, saggy, or otherwise makes you think of the cast of the Golden Girls.

*Make time to spend with friends of the childless persuasion. If anyone’s going to inspire you to get it together, it’s those women who are still getting 8 hours of sleep a night and spending their disposable income on pedicures instead of cartons of Lansinoh. Grrrr.